Well, first day of offical nursing school today. I still don't know for sure if I'm going to survive it, but we'll see. I'm definitely going to try!



I am not sure what to write about. I haven't written anything good enough to ost lately, actually, I haven't written anything lately. I should change that. I really don't have time though, if I'm not a class I'm doing homework, and if I'm not doing homework, I am at work, and if I'm not there, I am sleeping. Sleep is an excellent way to escape from the world by the way.



Well.... Since I don't have much to say, I'll just say this- life can be busy, but that doesn't mean you still can't be absolutely insane! Love, peace, and Peanut M&M's all!

You know, sometimes I wonder if life will ever get easier. There are some days where I think I have it fantastic, but others I just want to lay down, and cry. There have been days that I have done just that.

How do you deal with the loss of a brother? And especially when it's one serving in Iraq, killed by the same people he's trying to help liberate. It's almost been two months since we heard the news, and it still hasn't sunk in. We went to Arlington National Cemetary to bury him, and even after seeing his flag draped coffin, I can't believe he's gone. Just like that. The idea that one you love can be there one minute, and gone the next makes me physically ill.

Today I took my mom in for blood work. We found out last year that she had a coupe of tumors in her uterous that needed to be removed, but for reasons I can't remember right now, she never had it done. She finally called the specialist she'd been talking to, and they have scheduled a pre-op appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Since she can't drive right now, I am the lucky one that gets to take her. She refuses to tell my father, because he was one of the reasons she didn't get this taken care of earlier, until she needs to be taken to surgery Wednesday morning. My parents aren't the greatest example of what a marriage should be. Obviously. She has charged me not to tell anyone, and ready to explode with the news and the need to get my feelings out, here I am, at a blog I haven't visited for months. Sorry about that by the way my blog. I am a neglectful person. I've taken to writing in a journal when I need to vent. It's handy actually, since the internet isn't always there for me when I need it. Back to my story. What will I do if something goes wrong? If these tumors are malignant and I loose another person I love. I am still dealing with the death of my brother, who, concequintly, was followed not 24 hours later by my great- grandmother. It's confusing...

Well, I need to go, work calls and what can they do without their only supervisor... Hopefully they find someone else to fill the job! Adios!

Welp, it's the Sunday after spring break!! And I'm not ready to go back to school. Of course... I have had a cold for the past four days, so I didn't particularily have a break... Grr.

But it's SPRING! And it's beautiful! I love it! I'm so excited! I love this time of year! And only about four more weeks of school, and then finals, and then I be free! WAHOO!!! It be a happy feeling!

But anyway! I need to go to bed! Nighty night!

Well... I suppose it's a bad day. Or ending that way. Sometimes I wonder why I have my moods. They don't seem to make sense. Then again, neither do I.

Today I sat at home. All day. Except for the hour and a half I went to work. There was a guy there shampooing the carperts, so I didn't have to vacuum the classrooms (thank goodness!!), so I got done a half an hour early. It felt good. But I got my laundry all done, my room somewhat more organized, and a few more episodes of Alias watched. I'll admit it, I'm addicted. I love them! Ok, I don't love them, I just really don't have anything else to do. School is frustrating, work is just... Cleaning. I think too much while I work. I need to have something to do so I can decompress. It's nice.

Life... I don't know where I am on that timeline. I think I'm stuck. Kind of like I'm stuck between junior and senior status at school. I think after this semester I will have finally broken through, but... that would be wishful thinking! I did apply for the nursing program at home, but I don't know if I've been accepted yet. I'm trying not to be too hopeful. What if I don't get in? Even with the attitude I have about it now, I don't know how I'm gonna do if I find that out. I'm trying to get it into my mind that I won't make it, but that's not having faith, even though I still haven't gotten an answer concerning that. What am I doing wrong??

This has just been a completely muddled blog. I can't talk to anyone... I don't feel that anyone knows enough, or even understands me anymore. And I'd better quit before I completely loose it. Good night everyone! Here's hoping tomorrow is completely wonderful!

Well, I haven't really blogged in awhile. So I figured that I would do just that!

Last weekend I went home to take the TEAS Test, entrance exam type thing to get into any nursing program in Utah. I'm applying to Blanding's. Which maybe isn't a good idea because my mother lives there. I learn new things about my mom every time I'm around her now. I really, really love her to death... however...

Then! My sister Carolyn had her baby Thursday (as previously mentioned), and so I'm in Idaho right now. I love it so much! Babies are a miracle. I just want to cry everytime I hold her because where she came from. Straight from Heavenly Father's arms! How could he let something so precious come to this world? I suppose it's because he knows Carolyn and Jared will take wonderful care of her, but then I think of all those babies born in much worse conditions...

Back to the nursing thing... I finished my application while I was in Blanding, and I mailed it away. I won't find out until March sometime. I think the middle of. I'm contemplating what I'm going to do when I find out. Probably eat ice cream, either way! Because ice cream is both a celebration food, and a get over it food. Who am I going to tell first??? My mom? My sister?? Ahhh!!! Maybe I won't tell anyone... hehe. I'll have to think about it!

I'm so grateful to be alive! It's such a wonderful gift, and everyday I feel more thankful. Some days I wish I could just die, not because I hate my life, but because I'm so anxious to go home to my father in Heaven. I love what I learn here though. I'm in the BEST institute class in the world right now! It's called The Atonement, Repentance, and Ressurection. We learn all about that stuff. When I tell some people, they say it sounds like a class that will make you feel guilty, but I absolutley LOVE what I am learning! everytime I go, I gain a stronger testimony of our Savior, his life, and his atonement. This gospel is such a wonderful thing! The atonement just isn't for people that mess up, it's for people that want to become better. it's such a simple thing, and yet so complicated.

Just this past year my testimony has grown leaps and bounds. Just the other day I was discussing things pertaining to the gospel with my roommates, and one of them was awfully distraught that Heavenly Father even sent us to Earth. She understands why, but just doesn't handle life well. Then we got into the discussion of polygamy, and all three of them absolutely refused to even talk or think about it. That got me thinking ALOT about it, and I have decided that if the Lord asks it of me one day, I could do it. It might be hard, but he wouldn't ask anything of anyone if they truly couldn't handle it. It's nice to have someone's trust. They also didn't like the idea of Heavenly Father having more than one wife... But I asked Brother Moses one day about that, and he said that he didn't think Heavenly Father would ask us to do anything he himself hadn't done. So simple.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I am so exhausted! I just really wanted to let some stuff out... And Carolyn is the only one I really talk to anymore, and she's rather busy at the moment, so this blog is going to get a lot of attention for the next little while.

Je suis finir! (In french that means, I am finished... I think... hahaha!) Good night!