Well, first day of offical nursing school today. I still don't know for sure if I'm going to survive it, but we'll see. I'm definitely going to try!



I am not sure what to write about. I haven't written anything good enough to ost lately, actually, I haven't written anything lately. I should change that. I really don't have time though, if I'm not a class I'm doing homework, and if I'm not doing homework, I am at work, and if I'm not there, I am sleeping. Sleep is an excellent way to escape from the world by the way.



Well.... Since I don't have much to say, I'll just say this- life can be busy, but that doesn't mean you still can't be absolutely insane! Love, peace, and Peanut M&M's all!

You know, sometimes I wonder if life will ever get easier. There are some days where I think I have it fantastic, but others I just want to lay down, and cry. There have been days that I have done just that.

How do you deal with the loss of a brother? And especially when it's one serving in Iraq, killed by the same people he's trying to help liberate. It's almost been two months since we heard the news, and it still hasn't sunk in. We went to Arlington National Cemetary to bury him, and even after seeing his flag draped coffin, I can't believe he's gone. Just like that. The idea that one you love can be there one minute, and gone the next makes me physically ill.

Today I took my mom in for blood work. We found out last year that she had a coupe of tumors in her uterous that needed to be removed, but for reasons I can't remember right now, she never had it done. She finally called the specialist she'd been talking to, and they have scheduled a pre-op appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Since she can't drive right now, I am the lucky one that gets to take her. She refuses to tell my father, because he was one of the reasons she didn't get this taken care of earlier, until she needs to be taken to surgery Wednesday morning. My parents aren't the greatest example of what a marriage should be. Obviously. She has charged me not to tell anyone, and ready to explode with the news and the need to get my feelings out, here I am, at a blog I haven't visited for months. Sorry about that by the way my blog. I am a neglectful person. I've taken to writing in a journal when I need to vent. It's handy actually, since the internet isn't always there for me when I need it. Back to my story. What will I do if something goes wrong? If these tumors are malignant and I loose another person I love. I am still dealing with the death of my brother, who, concequintly, was followed not 24 hours later by my great- grandmother. It's confusing...

Well, I need to go, work calls and what can they do without their only supervisor... Hopefully they find someone else to fill the job! Adios!

Welp, it's the Sunday after spring break!! And I'm not ready to go back to school. Of course... I have had a cold for the past four days, so I didn't particularily have a break... Grr.

But it's SPRING! And it's beautiful! I love it! I'm so excited! I love this time of year! And only about four more weeks of school, and then finals, and then I be free! WAHOO!!! It be a happy feeling!

But anyway! I need to go to bed! Nighty night!

Well... I suppose it's a bad day. Or ending that way. Sometimes I wonder why I have my moods. They don't seem to make sense. Then again, neither do I.

Today I sat at home. All day. Except for the hour and a half I went to work. There was a guy there shampooing the carperts, so I didn't have to vacuum the classrooms (thank goodness!!), so I got done a half an hour early. It felt good. But I got my laundry all done, my room somewhat more organized, and a few more episodes of Alias watched. I'll admit it, I'm addicted. I love them! Ok, I don't love them, I just really don't have anything else to do. School is frustrating, work is just... Cleaning. I think too much while I work. I need to have something to do so I can decompress. It's nice.

Life... I don't know where I am on that timeline. I think I'm stuck. Kind of like I'm stuck between junior and senior status at school. I think after this semester I will have finally broken through, but... that would be wishful thinking! I did apply for the nursing program at home, but I don't know if I've been accepted yet. I'm trying not to be too hopeful. What if I don't get in? Even with the attitude I have about it now, I don't know how I'm gonna do if I find that out. I'm trying to get it into my mind that I won't make it, but that's not having faith, even though I still haven't gotten an answer concerning that. What am I doing wrong??

This has just been a completely muddled blog. I can't talk to anyone... I don't feel that anyone knows enough, or even understands me anymore. And I'd better quit before I completely loose it. Good night everyone! Here's hoping tomorrow is completely wonderful!

Well, I haven't really blogged in awhile. So I figured that I would do just that!

Last weekend I went home to take the TEAS Test, entrance exam type thing to get into any nursing program in Utah. I'm applying to Blanding's. Which maybe isn't a good idea because my mother lives there. I learn new things about my mom every time I'm around her now. I really, really love her to death... however...

Then! My sister Carolyn had her baby Thursday (as previously mentioned), and so I'm in Idaho right now. I love it so much! Babies are a miracle. I just want to cry everytime I hold her because where she came from. Straight from Heavenly Father's arms! How could he let something so precious come to this world? I suppose it's because he knows Carolyn and Jared will take wonderful care of her, but then I think of all those babies born in much worse conditions...

Back to the nursing thing... I finished my application while I was in Blanding, and I mailed it away. I won't find out until March sometime. I think the middle of. I'm contemplating what I'm going to do when I find out. Probably eat ice cream, either way! Because ice cream is both a celebration food, and a get over it food. Who am I going to tell first??? My mom? My sister?? Ahhh!!! Maybe I won't tell anyone... hehe. I'll have to think about it!

I'm so grateful to be alive! It's such a wonderful gift, and everyday I feel more thankful. Some days I wish I could just die, not because I hate my life, but because I'm so anxious to go home to my father in Heaven. I love what I learn here though. I'm in the BEST institute class in the world right now! It's called The Atonement, Repentance, and Ressurection. We learn all about that stuff. When I tell some people, they say it sounds like a class that will make you feel guilty, but I absolutley LOVE what I am learning! everytime I go, I gain a stronger testimony of our Savior, his life, and his atonement. This gospel is such a wonderful thing! The atonement just isn't for people that mess up, it's for people that want to become better. it's such a simple thing, and yet so complicated.

Just this past year my testimony has grown leaps and bounds. Just the other day I was discussing things pertaining to the gospel with my roommates, and one of them was awfully distraught that Heavenly Father even sent us to Earth. She understands why, but just doesn't handle life well. Then we got into the discussion of polygamy, and all three of them absolutely refused to even talk or think about it. That got me thinking ALOT about it, and I have decided that if the Lord asks it of me one day, I could do it. It might be hard, but he wouldn't ask anything of anyone if they truly couldn't handle it. It's nice to have someone's trust. They also didn't like the idea of Heavenly Father having more than one wife... But I asked Brother Moses one day about that, and he said that he didn't think Heavenly Father would ask us to do anything he himself hadn't done. So simple.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I am so exhausted! I just really wanted to let some stuff out... And Carolyn is the only one I really talk to anymore, and she's rather busy at the moment, so this blog is going to get a lot of attention for the next little while.

Je suis finir! (In french that means, I am finished... I think... hahaha!) Good night!

Well! I saw her, and she's the cutest thing ever to be born! That I've seen anyway. She's adorable! She kinda has a double chin and a weird looking neck because she's cubby, but she's so sweet looking. She has SO much hair! I only saw her when she's sleeping though, soo.... But I have a feeling she's going to be my favorite yet!

Ok... It's been along day! After we got done at the hospital, we came to Carolyn's and we cleaned away. It looks so different than when we got here. Hurray go us! I'm glad we braved Idaho in February for the opportunity to come up and help! It was totally worth it, and the weather totally cooperated!

I have a new neice!!! Born last night before midnight! She's the twenty-second grandbaby and the sixth girl. It's so exciting! But yeah! I'm on my way up to Idaho with my mom and my other sister to help her. Pictures to come soon! I hope.

Happy Glorious Day today! So Alex got a job yesterday! And I'm way excited! And yeah, life is wonderful! That's all for now! Love life!

This Pretty Lady Weeps
Today, she thought of you,
with your big ideas and
silly dreams.

She swore she'd stop,
remembering how you looked,
flustered at the sight of her.

She didn't know why,
but she loved you.
And now she cries.

This pretty lady weeps,
Deep, silent, racking sobs,
hidden in her pillow.

And there's only you to blame,
with your crocked smile,
and gentle eyes.

Well, it's still hard! go figure. But I love it. This week I am going to try and find a job. Does anyone know of anyone hiring besides McDonalds? or any fast food... I don't like to work fast food, yuck! Preferably a good job, I could handle that.

Ok! I don't have much more news. I don't do alot anymore. So. Just a quick update to say, yeah, I'm still alive, kicking... And yeah!

Well, where to start? It's starting to get hard. I am still doing way good in all of my classes so far, but I'm not sure it will stay that way, but I'm gonna try. My stats class isn't so fun, but I'm staying up with her. I'm doing a lot better on all of the quizzes than I thought I would (we have one everyday of class). However I feel that poetry is going to be a bigger bother than I want. We'll see. She assigned us a paper yesterday, didn't describe it or anything, it's the first time I've heard of it, and it's due tomorrow. How much do I hate english teachers? Let me count the ways... I like Dr. P though. He will remain my favorite forever!

It's been below zero several times the past week. Yesterday my snot froze in my nose while I was walking to class. I didn't know snot could do that. So this morning I came prepared! However, my nose was still ice when I walked into class. One day I'll figure this cold thing out. I'm not used to it, but I'm not dumb.

Funny story. The other day I was at Wal-Mart with Amy looking at TVs. And as always I had the cart and I was following her back and forth, and if the cart didn't have stuff in it, I woulda just left it somewhere while I followed her around, but... Anyway! She walks between these guys that are looking at big flat screens, and I follow, and they're really nice and split for me, and as I walk by, I say sorry, and the one guy as like, "No, you're fine!" and I kept going, and behind me I hear him say to his friend under his breathe, "Definitely fine." I tried to run away... Hehe.

Oh, and on Monday, to celebrate not having school, Olivia and I took a freak trip to St. George where we went shopping and purchases cute things. It was fun. And warm! I'm happy to report that all the snow off my car melted down there. So now I just have a dirty car. It's looking more white than green. Sadly... I'll wash it one day, when I'm not scared of it becoming the big green icicle. Did I spell that right? Grr...


Welp, I hear breakfast calling my name. Bye!

Friday means no classes! It has been an absolute blast! Well, so far. I've only been awake for an hour, so we'll see how this goes...

It snowed last night, and I think it's still snowing. We have at least six new inches. Can I say ugh? Hopefully it stops soon! Don't get me wrong, I love snow! It comes from the great childhood I once had. But now... I realize how scary it is. I don't really have a lot to say. Nothing new has really happened that I can remember, and I need to hurry and get home because Amy is staying with me (wahoo!) and she should be back soon. Ok! Have a good day everyone!

School started today! And it was ok! I have a five hours break between classes, so that was fun... My first class is at eight in the morning. Woo who. I'm not a morning gal. But hopefully I get it figured out. I'm trying to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. Perhaps it's part of my growing up idea. But then I think, Who wants to grow up?

The snow has become old. Nearly two feet of it. I'm ready for it all to melt away and for it to be warm again. I'm a fan of warmth! I'm thinking Hawaii sounds really good... But now I"m stuck in school again.

So I'm in a class called Stress and Pain, and you think with a name like that, you'd be warned to stay away, right? Well, no, I didn't. I went today, and it actually sounds like it will be really fun. Our professor is this wonderfully ditsy person that I can see myself becoming in about twenty years. The only problem is, we have a couple of people that are loud, and obnoxious... and their laughs. They are those laughs that just grate against your ears going in and rattle your brain around before they fade away. But I'm sure I can deal with it. I'm pretty resiliant.

Well... That's all folks!

Still in Blanding... And wishing I could get out!

Well, here I am, still stuck in the home town love of my life! It's been fantastic being home and taking a break, but I need to get out and back to Cedar before I explode! I'm being smothered by my mom, and I've had enough. So, this is my desperate plea to the outside world. Hopefully I'll escape tomorrow...

Picky Parent!
I have determined that my mother is one of the pickiest people I know! I went with her to the eye doctor for the second time today, to change what she had ordered in glasses. Before she opened the door, she asked, "do I look ok despite looking fat?" (NOTE: I look fatter than my mom, despite her having ten kids!!) I just rolled my eyes. Then she had to look at all the lenses again, and when she saw the one that she had ordered and I said that they looked better, she stuck with them, THEN, she had to look at the tint for them when she went outside, but not only did she have to do that, she had to take me outside, have me tell her what I thought, then she made me go inside and get a mirror so she could decide for herself. Then she had to decide where she wanted the bifocal, and if she wanted a line, or just the smooth transition... I have now made a new definition for picky in my mind!

I'm not exactly what else to say... Nothing exciting happens to me hardly ever, and perhaps it's better that way. It makes life more predictable. When I get back to Cedar City, I'll start classes, find a job, and that's all I will do. But like I said, I don't mind. So, this is all! Good-bye for now my blog.

Happy New Year!

Doesn't feel much different. I can't believe how fast time has flown! It just feels like it was just last year, but I have all these things that have happened, so it feels more like everything was just a dream. Except... Meh!
My resolution this year was to not make any resolutions. I think I might be happy with the way I am now and the things I was already doing to become a better person. It's a wonderful feeling to be sure! The biggest problems with resolutions is that you forget about the a few weeks down the road, and when New Year's Eve comes again, you sit there and try and remember what they were and feel guilty because you didn't do anyting about them.
School starts a week from today. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm excited to get back and see what I can do to be a better student and learn all I can. Yet, I don't want to leave. I love Blanding! Most of my friends are here, and Cedar just... Doesn't have much for me! But it's where I'm supposed to be, so I'm doing a great job of toughing it out. I'm starting to love it there too. Not as much as Blanding, I don't think I could ever love anywhere as much as I love Blanding, but I'm willing to try! I'm actually learning how much my family grates me. Before I was able to have paitence with them, because I knew there wasn't much I could do about it, but now I have a house somewhere else that I could just pack up and go whenever I want to. It's a great feeling, but I hate learning the things about my family that I am. I was blind to a lot of stuff before I suppose. My parents for one... Sometimes I wonder why they bothered getting married. But that's another story.
Anyway. I'm done going on. Perhaps the next time I'm bored enough to write something, I'll be back at school. Woot Woo! Au revoir!