Sometimes I can't explain it, but things just pop into my head, and I feel the urge to write them down. Since I don't have any paper around at the moment, I figure this was the best place to write thoughts down. Perhaps they're no good, but I feel better when I have them written down, so maybe one day I can go back and edit them! I totally made up the word unplanningness by the way, I don't think it's a real word, so I'm just letting you know, it's mine! It makes sense to me, and I like it! Deal!

Unplannigness happens accidently.
The stumble upon a new road,
that is more appealing than the last.

Uncertainy creates adventure.
Not knowing what's going to happen,
makes for a better ending.

Undoing destroys masterpieces.
Feeling discontentment with something
should always be slept on.

Understanding brings light.
Knowing why something happens
can lift the load off shoulders.

__________________________________________

I love you. Your smile, the look I catch you giving me when you think I'm not looking. The look you give me when you know I'm looking. I'm always aware of every move while you're in the same room, and always anxious when you're out of it. I listen in on your conversations while only paying half attention to my own. My hand aches to be held by yours, my heart beats to be loved and comforted by your touch. When brushed by your fingers, my skin ignites, every fiber tingling with awareness. In your arms I find the only peace my mind will accept. When I'm with you I'm the most gorgeous person, and I don't ever feel worthless, or inconspicuous. You're a man amoung men, the only air I want to breathe, and the only life I want to know. Please don't ask me to let go. Don't make me beg to hold on a little longer. Let me be the first thing you want to touch in the morning, and the last thing you taste at night. Burst with excitement to tell me a funny story, or just to hear my voice. Handling you leaving isn't possible. Uncontrollable pain rakes my soul with the thought. You're the reason I know how to feel the sun on my face, the purpose behind waking, and if you ask me to say goodbye, I'll become a shell, a being that simply has one purpose, to exist.

______________________________________________

Broken into a million pieces,
I fall further down than ever before.
Beaten beyond recognition,
I finally raise the white flag.
I don't know how to win,
and not sure I'm willing to try anymore.
I've fought for so long,
my heart feels weary-
shattered.
Nothing feels right,
even the air feels strange in my lungs.
It doesn't seem right,
that I can still breathe.
Didn't my world end?

Addiction –noun -the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

This is me. Addicted to Facebook, and most of all, the Scramble game on Facebook. I haven't managed a very high score yet, only #2 out of my friends, but everyday, that's where you will find me, trying to make enough three letter words to get more than 131 points. That's a lot of three letter words by the way. Sometimes there is an -s, so then a lot of those three letter words can become four letter words. And if there's an -ed, five letter words sometimes! It's amazing how the english language works! Every once in awhile I will get lucky and stumble upon a larger word, quite out of the blue. Pure entertainment I tell you.

I'm also addicted to a new book series by Sharon Shinn. Yes, it's fantasy! Who knew? The only fantasy books I've read before have been the green rider and... that's all I can think of! I'm sure I've read one or two more, but...? So, there it is, my deep dark secret. I'm becoming a fantasy fanatic and country music is starting to appeal to me again. What is this world coming to? A blessed end I hope! And the sooner the better I think. Am I morbid for saying that? No, we don't have enough adventure today... Just lame addictions that make our lives boring and predictable.

So close, and still so far...
The result of a great study of life has revealed little. Life doesn't like to be studied, and so hence, I have given up! I am competely amazed everyday at the little curve balls that can be thrown my way, and then again, I am also surprised that life can be somewhat predictable.

Despite not being such a great blogger, I still feel the need to write every once and awhile. Although I still profess that I am not a great writer at all! The reason this blog even exists is because of a creative writing class I took two and a half years ago. Isn't it great how college still has an effect on my life?

I realized today how happy I was not to be taking classes, still. I suppose one day I will feel like I need to complete my life, and get that stupid bachelor's degree that's probably only a year away, but I don't think I could handle a year right now, especially a year of hard upper divison classes. I've thought about changing my major, again. Maybe if I found something a little more enjoyable, I wouldn't mind school so much! There's an idea...

And Happy New Year by the way! 2009 already! Time is beginning to do that thing where it goes faster and faster, and I just have to watch it go by, wondering where it's going and how much of it I'm loosing. Ah!



Here's Amy and I in our New Year's hats. We were actually just wandering through Wal-Mart and decided we should get a picture with some on, so we could actually look like we'd been somewhat festive.

Well, here's my goal. To actually keep this blog up to date! We will see how well that goes... Hehe!

Today I feel regret, again. I keep thinking about a year and a half ago when my mom reminded me one summer day to write to my brother in Iraq. I was in her office, already on a computer, and it would've taken two minutes to write a quick hello. Of course I didn't, and the next day we were told that he had been KIA. For two minutes I gave up the chance to tell my brother how much I loved and admired him. I remember a time in my life when there were no regrets. Everything I had done up to that point, even the mistakes, had gotten me to where I was, and I was happy with it.

I would give anything to have those two minutes of my life back.

So after much brainraking I finally made it back onto this site. I don't even know what password worked! The joys of having so many!

I was going through all my older posts and laughing at the great memories. I miss the college days! Not the classes at all, but my roommates for sure! And the laughs we had. We did some pretty crazy stuff....

But, I just thought I'd post and at least remind myself (as I read my posts later because I think I'm the ONLY one that does that...) that I still know this site exsists... Hmmm..