aLLie

Sometimes I can't explain it, but things just pop into my head, and I feel the urge to write them down. Since I don't have any paper around at the moment, I figure this was the best place to write thoughts down. Perhaps they're no good, but I feel better when I have them written down, so maybe one day I can go back and edit them! I totally made up the word unplanningness by the way, I don't think it's a real word, so I'm just letting you know, it's mine! It makes sense to me, and I like it! Deal!

Unplannigness happens accidently.
The stumble upon a new road,
that is more appealing than the last.

Uncertainy creates adventure.
Not knowing what's going to happen,
makes for a better ending.

Undoing destroys masterpieces.
Feeling discontentment with something
should always be slept on.

Understanding brings light.
Knowing why something happens
can lift the load off shoulders.

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I love you. Your smile, the look I catch you giving me when you think I'm not looking. The look you give me when you know I'm looking. I'm always aware of every move while you're in the same room, and always anxious when you're out of it. I listen in on your conversations while only paying half attention to my own. My hand aches to be held by yours, my heart beats to be loved and comforted by your touch. When brushed by your fingers, my skin ignites, every fiber tingling with awareness. In your arms I find the only peace my mind will accept. When I'm with you I'm the most gorgeous person, and I don't ever feel worthless, or inconspicuous. You're a man amoung men, the only air I want to breathe, and the only life I want to know. Please don't ask me to let go. Don't make me beg to hold on a little longer. Let me be the first thing you want to touch in the morning, and the last thing you taste at night. Burst with excitement to tell me a funny story, or just to hear my voice. Handling you leaving isn't possible. Uncontrollable pain rakes my soul with the thought. You're the reason I know how to feel the sun on my face, the purpose behind waking, and if you ask me to say goodbye, I'll become a shell, a being that simply has one purpose, to exist.

______________________________________________

Broken into a million pieces,
I fall further down than ever before.
Beaten beyond recognition,
I finally raise the white flag.
I don't know how to win,
and not sure I'm willing to try anymore.
I've fought for so long,
my heart feels weary-
shattered.
Nothing feels right,
even the air feels strange in my lungs.
It doesn't seem right,
that I can still breathe.
Didn't my world end?