aLLie

From the Very Pit of Despair
I suppose now more than ever I can relate to that place, in The Princess Bride, that the albino refers to as "the pit of despair". That horrible place that sucks life, that simply takes your breath away, and that's not a good thing.

I've fallen into such a pit. A place I can't think about without having the urge to vomit. I find it hard to even breath, and when I think about the future, I start to cry. I've found that this pit gaps wider and darker late at night, after everyone I know has gone to bed, and I'm left a lone with my thoughts. It's gotten worse since I've been trying to go to bed earlier, I lay there trying to sleep, but thoughts come rushing in, bombarding my belief that yes, I'm "over it".

It's raining... Most people find that depressing, and I guess I do too right now. But, I think the best thing about the rain, is when the sun finally does come back, and shines on everything that's wet, and brings it to life. Everything is clean and the light reflects off all the water, and it's a whole new world. I'm trying to look at this experience as something like that. Although parts of this is so hard to deal with, the sun will come out, and I'll be able to see how much the rain helped, and how much I have left to grow. So I'm putting back on a happy face, determined to smile and enjoy the rain!